Most of the time, I love being "in transit" by myself. Taking the subway, train, bus, a flight, whatever to get from one place to the next is nice for me. I enjoy the quiet and being by myself because it, strangely, makes me feel less anxious. The major downside to traveling by myself, however, is the overwhelming number of creepy men that see me being by myself as an invitation to come and talk to me. I suppose I'm not expressing my happiness properly because I am almost always approached by someone who desperately needs to talk to someone. It's an ongoing joke with my family and friends that without a doubt some weirdo dude will try to talk to me and I'll have a funny story once I've arrived at my destination.
At first, I was sympathetic, "Oh, this person just needs someone to talk to, they must be so lonely" or "Maybe they are just feeling bad for me - that I'm not with someone". But now, I have no issues expressing my annoyance with creepy dude encounters so if you are sympathizer, read no further. I had a distinct turning point when I was 19 listening to a dude on the train from Boston, MA to Exeter, NH talk about all his guns he owned and he pulled out a magazine to show them all to me. He departed by giving me a wink and his number. So now, I don't care how mean it sounds, if I'm giving clear signals that I don't want to talk to someone, they should pick it up. Plus, women get into sketchy situations all the time for being too nice and it's not okay.
As you may have guessed already, a particular encounter inspired this post (and rant) about creepy men that single out the woman traveler. I was taking the train from Seoul to Daegu in Korea on my way to visit my friend Alex who is an English teacher. I was an hour into the ride, loving the view and the sun hitting the mountains around me. I felt a bit sleepy and dosed off for a little bit only to be woken up by someone who seemed to have jumped on the seat next to mine.
"Nice to mee you." he said while shoving his hand into my space.
"Huh?" I hadn't shaken someones hand in a few months and couldn't understand his accent.
"Nice to meet you."
"Oh, yeah, you too" I responded back and instantly went back to closing my eyes. I was in mid snooze and expected to fall back asleep.
"My name is _______." Actually, I didn't get his name because I was too preoccupied with the stale smell of cigarettes that made me incredibly nauseous. I was trapped in and couldn't escape the smell from my window seat. My only saving grace was my big backpack that was separating the two seats.
"This is the stadium, do you know how to say stadium in Korean?"
"No." This time, my look was clearly uninviting. Not taking my hint he starts to say the word in Korean and has me repeat it. I knew I wasn't getting out of this so I got out my book and started to read. I opened it up, this time leaning toward the window to make my intentions crystal clear. I wish I could make this next part up but the dude crosses my backpack barrier and starts reading my book out loud, in English. This was the definite "oh shit" moment for me. It just couldn't get worse, but it did.
He then decides to bring up a whole host of subjects that a person wouldn't want to talk about: world trade center, terrorism attacks, etc.
"You are very handsome."
Crap, crap, crap! I was trying to think of a way to get out but with my bags and being in the window seat I just couldn't easily make the transition.
I was hoping, wishing, praying that he was just the average-creepy-dude but his last comment upped his status to super-creepy-dude-who-wants-me-to-be-his-girlfriend.
And he still keeps on talking to me even though I had, at this point, given up on looking at him altogether. Every minute or so he pauses, looks at me, and comments on how much he likes me. Finally, they guy sticks out his hand and tells me that he's leaving, that the next stop is his.
I put out my hand, because, well, I was so happy he was leaving. Then he takes my hand and wouldn't let it go, pulling it closer to him.
"Let go!" I said perhaps a bit too loud. Then, he just sits there repeating over and over again how much he likes me.
"You are very beautiful." Then the train stops.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. He looks at me once again, comments on my body or something wildly creepy and then proceeds to (try) to grab my butt. He wasn't that successful (as I was sitting down) and probably only grazed my lower back but it didn't matter to me. This simple action put me over the edge.
My friend Alex told me a story about how a drunk man was harassing every one on the train once from a trip in South Korea and how the staff came and were overly polite to the dude. Since he was their elder, they had to be respectful, even though the man had started a physical fight with some of the passengers. They simple just said, "Uncle, uncle, please take your seat".
I didn't have the same response as the staff on that train. Instead, I yelled down the aisle, "Fuck you, you asshole!" So much for respecting cultural norms . . .
1. Don't be nice. I'm not kidding. If you have a feeling that a guy is going to be a creep tell him that you don't want to talk to him.
2. Walk away. I know this is difficult in many buses, flights, trains, etc but that was my problem in this scenario. I should have simply changed seats no matter how much of a scene it would have caused.
3. Always have an ipod readily available and charged. I was cursing myself for exhausting all the battery power of mine on playing angry birds an hour earlier.
Don't get me wrong, the creepy dude doesn't just exist in one city, country, part of the world or whatever. Creepy men are of every race, body type and age. This particular story occurred in South Korea but I have a many more like it from almost every place I've visited.
I'm going to adhere to the rules outlined above and listen to my own advice as I move forward on my trip. After all, I have plenty more trains and buses to take . . .
